Good one maizeydaze! So I take it that you've heard it! What do you expect in the mens section!!! ROTFLMAO
for the men
(218 posts) (22 voices)-
maizeydaze
MemberArchangel, I have many male friends. (Not what you may think, either.) I've probably heard almost all of them. My warped sense of humor even find many of them funny. :D
Posted 15 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberMy husband knows better than to talk to me first thing in the morning. By the time he gets up I'm on my 2nd or 3rd cup of coffee. Yesterday, I was on a roll. He didn't stand a chance with his "picking". Everything he said backfired. Ah, what a great day in the maizeyhood!
Posted 15 years ago # -
Robert
StrayCatWhat women say and actually mean...
-“Do you really want to go to that restaurant/movie/dinner party?”
Means: I really don’t want to go to.-“I feel so close to you right now. You know me so well.”
Means: I am starting to feel the l-word, but I don’t want to be the first to say it.-“I’m just not ready to make a commitment.”
Means: I’m not ready to commit to you, and may never be.-“I think we should stay friends.”
Means: I am trying to cut you out of my life gradually.
Source: Askmen.comContinued:
She says:
1."FINE": This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2."Five Minutes": If she is getting dressed, this means a half an
hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given
five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means
something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.4.)"Go Ahead": This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal
statement often misunderstood by men.
A loud sigh means she thinks
you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)6.)"That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) "Thanks": A woman is thanking you. Do not question, or faint.
Just say you're welcome.8.)" Whatever": Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU!
9.)" Don't worry about it, I got it": Another dangerous statement,
meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several
times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "what's wrong." For the woman's response refer to #3.
Source:bambihernandezPosted 15 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberRobert, and who said that men don't understand women? It's right there in black & white.
Posted 15 years ago # -
maizeydaze
Member"If you know whats good for you, you don't say anything!!" OK!
Posted 15 years ago # -
Robert
StrayCatWomen's language (continued)
-Fine:
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. Never use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.-Five minutes:
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.-Nothing:
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".-Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows):
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".-Go Ahead (normal eyebrows):
This means, "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.-Loud Sigh:
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".-Soft Sigh:
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is happy. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay happy.-Oh:
This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.-That's Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay," means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done.
"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.-Please Do:
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".-Thanks a lot:
This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".-Crosses Arms:
This is a gesture. this means that she is waiting for you to say something else completely stupid. be careful not to ask what's wrong and you will get the answer of "nothing" with a "loud sigh".-The Eye roll:
This is also a gesture. this also means she thinks you are completely stupid. this will probably proceed the words "oh really?" and if you say i can explain you will get a "please do" or a "go ahead with raised eye brows".
When you get the "fine", you know you've lost. Try again in five minutes and maybe you'll get a "small sigh". if not, please proceed to the nearest exit. The phrase she has in mind is, "Don't call me...I'll call you."
(albinoblacksheep)Posted 15 years ago # -
Butch
MemberHey there, guys! Wouldn't it be great if we could make a few changes? How about these?
If Men Ruled the World...
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the behind and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Garbage would take itself out.
Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
"Cops" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops.(Or to the crooks.)
The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football From A Different Camera Angle."
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
Posted 15 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberThis thread doesn't seem anywhere near as popular as the "For the Ladies" thread. What's the matter, boys? Cat got your tongue? :D
Posted 15 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberLee, a little territorial, are you?
What does "&*&^%..Etc." mean? :)
Posted 15 years ago # -
RunesageMagik
MemberMaizey, that smiley face suggests "you know what".
Maybe on the ladies only thread he'd have replaced WIFE with WISE. Betcha the ladies would have unanimously considered that an accurate and acceptable as well as politically correct substitution.
Carrying that one step further (oh, no, please don't, Rune), in the polygamist compound, WIVES apparently means Washing, Ironing, Very Erotic Submissives.I wondered how that link to the youtube site got past my security. Seems when I blocked rap and hip hop, I forgot to enable the box marked "noise that makes ears bleed".
Posted 15 years ago # -
copmom
MemberRune.. I shut that youtube thing off almost immediately.. hate that loud, noisy, 'stuff'.
And yes, maizey.. I was having the same thought about Lee and being territorial.
And I quote:
"Why do we have women here bitchin about men?Why don't they get back to their own threads, I am sure there are a few
threads on feminism, ironing tips and cooking A La Carte some where here."and now this: "Know your place ladies."
Lee, just remember this, behind every great man is a better woman! You guys can't live with us, but you can't live without us!
Posted 15 years ago # -
Anonymous
UnregisteredI don't have a problem with women, in fact my best est friend is a Lesbian.
What I find odd is how the pendulum can only swing in one direction....Towards the woman.
If you woman don't like men, then join a kibbutz for women only.
Ohh yeah quit wearing trousers (pants) and stick to wearing a skirt.
You got it, then flaunt it!
Posted 15 years ago # -
copmom
MemberDon't understand where you're coming from at all! Nothing has been implied about the pendulum swinging in any direction. And who said we don't like men? Heck, my best friend is also my husband of 50 years!
As for your best friend being a lesbian, that doesn't say much about anything.. they're just mixed up with their sexuality! So they're either a she/he, or a he/she.. what difference does that make?
And who says we don't flaunt?? You can be wearing trousers and still be flaunting as a female! Enough, didn't mean to get into a war of words here.. but it does seem you are being a bit territorial! I'm afraid nowadays things are more equal, so quit being behind the times, unless a guy thinks they are totally macho, which really doesn't impress much anymore.Posted 15 years ago # -
RunesageMagik
MemberCopmom, in the pre-feminist/pre-birth of manhating era, the original quotation might have come from Groucho Marx - "Behind every successful man is a woman, and behind her is his wife." Regardless, I don't think it was - "Behind every great man is a better woman." However, recent popular updates include "Behind every successful man is a surprised woman (or mother-in-law)."
Giving credit where it's due, I'd go with, "Behind every successful man is OR was at least one patient, supportive and loving woman."
Of course, considering the robber baron era and all the corruption that still exists today, there's likely truth to "Behind some successful men was a huge inheritance or a helluva lotta luck and backstabbing."
It's becoming clear that Lee hasn't reconciled with all his baggage. Neither have I, entirely, but I'm trying.
Posted 15 years ago # -
copmom
MemberRune.. at least you are trying! I must admit it took my hubby many years but he finally reached a point where he says he doesn't feel he has to prove anything anymore! He is what he is and is happy with himself, and we both support each other in everything. Heck, I can't even remember the last time we argued about anything, we think too much alike after all this time!
Posted 15 years ago # -
RunesageMagik
MemberCopmom, I'd try harder if someone was willing to point a shy, {deleted by self-moderation before moderators could delete for violating GAOTD's No Soliciting for Young Virgins policy} my way. Then again, I've heard that people start to look more and more like each other (or their pets) as time goes on, and I'd really hate to impose that fate on my sweetie. :-) Maybe I should get a nice pet rock?
Lee, you dawg you, do you know why bear-baiting was outlawed? The bears always mauled the "bait." To protect a moderator, I suspect GAOTD's going to have to outlaw female-baiting.
Posted 15 years ago # -
bluhoteyes
Memberhave to say i was enjoying this site till the last several comments .. Bobby i think i loved those links you gave us expecially the house inspections did anyone read the comments on them some are hilarious go back and check em out if you get a chance:) LOL
Posted 15 years ago # -
CreamyPretzel
MemberMaizeydaze said:
"This thread doesn't seem anywhere near as popular as the "For the Ladies" thread. What's the matter, boys?"
___________________________________________________________________Ahh...Maizey...I beg to differ! Your "ladies" thread has 170 posts in one month.....almost 6 posts a day average.
This thread has 87 posts in 3 days. That's 29 posts per day. Now....which thread is more popular???
Posted 15 years ago # -
I must really back Lee, he is the only one who understands us.
Of course Lee, have we better things to do, than waiting for a comment with wit from one of you guys. Whilst the disk machine does the washing up, shall I watch very closely the guys from the DirtExService cleaning and even polishing.
You should see their uniforms, sisters...
But, Lee, you have to show me that thing with "knitting"; my dic could translate it, but what is it? I'm sure, you will show and explain it very plain to all of us.
------------EDIT-------------------
Have just heard from the Keymaster, that
Lee's TUT : Knitting with Lee - Part I
will be the weekend giveaway, over 2 days, that all dial-ups have a chance for a complete download.
grayloxPosted 15 years ago # -
CreamyPretzel
MemberDarn! I thought for sure they were gonna offer my Match-3 Afghan Squares game!
Posted 15 years ago #
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