From the home office in Wellton, Arizona, here are the Top-Ten Rejected Game Giveaways:
#10 - PRE-PONG
#9 - GERIATRIC CARE-BEAR ROBOT MARSHMALLOW MATCH
#8 - PETRIS
#7 - BROWN-NOSER 2
#6 - ROLLERCOASTER TYPHOON
#5 - SLUM CITY 4
#4 - NOAH'S ARKANOID
#3 - AGE OF UMPIRES
#2 - GRAND THEFT OTTER
And the Number ONE Rejected Game Giveaway:
CRADLE OF SEWAGE
Anyone care to add a description for any of the above games?
rofl!
yes, please!
Pre Pong!
Retro-style single-player game sure to entertain the whole family or gym class! Players wield a brown, simulated-wood paddle, trying to keep a red rubber ball aloft. The ball is attached to the paddle by a long rubber band, which adds a great deal of excitement to the game. The rubber band may flex long or short or simply break!
If the rubber band snaps, the player has an opportunity to earn extra points if they can reattach the band beneath the sturdy and very sharp staple within 15 minutes.
As an added bonus, the authentic whack! whack! whack! sound of the ball ricocheting off the paddle is sure to annoy bystanders just as the real toy did in the 1950's.
Pre-Pong normally sells for $22.17 but is free to our visitors for the next 24 hours!
*****
Geriatric Care Bears New Robot Marshmallow Match!
Based on the popular movie 'Geriatric Care Bears Visit Sun City', this game features all of your favorite Geriatric Care Bears:
Tenderloin Heart, the hunter GCB, always dressed in desert-brown camo and toting a 30.06. (Also known as Hillbilly Bear)
Shoe Shine, the hobo GCB, always stopping strangers on the street and offering to shine their shoes for any loose change. Shine always accompanied by a lecture beginning 'back in the day...'
Wishy Washy, the ineffectual GCB that cannot decide what outfit will match her blue hair.
Beer Belly, the alcoholic GCB with the bright red nose, always looking for someone willing to 'cut a rug' with him on Amateur Night at the rest home.
Fiend Bear, the maniacal GCB that races around town in her nitro-assist cloud car, terrifying pedestrians and drivers alike, because she is too vain to wear her bifocals.
Secretive Bear, the sensitive, sweet and impeccably dressed former-IRS agent. No one has the heart to tell him that spats went out with running boards.
Lose-A-Lot, the incorrigible gambler, easily identified by the pink purse full of Bingo markers and good-luck tokens strapped to her walker.
Yes, all of your favorite Geriatric Care Bears appear in this exciting new game, each hoping to be the one to bring down the Robot Marshmallow and turn it into the biggest batch of S'mores the GCB clan has ever seen!
Normally selling for $10.93, this game is yours free for the next 24 hours!
***
Petris
An exciting Tetris clone featuring your favorite animals! Line up three or more animals of the same species in horizontal or vertical lines. Sound easy? Possibly, until you attempt to stack dobermans with poodles!
Normally selling for $1.53, this game is free for our visitors today!
***
auuugh! somebody stop me!
Nice work, Bobby!
NOAH'S ARKANOID.....
Breakout style game, where your paddle is shaped like an ark. As a giant waterball heads for the bottom of the playfield, you hit it with your ark, reflecting it up toward the wall of animal pairs which are approaching your ark.
Bonus point are awarded for wiping out species completely.
Points are subtracted for allowing animals to reach your ark.
Many power-ups, including:
Double-Waterball.....Great for simultaneously picking off both male AND female of a species.
Genetic Alteration Waterball.....this will genetically modify any animal hit. Who knows what freaky sort of creature you might create this way!
Power-Of-God Lightning Bolt.....Toss this baby into the wall of animals and watch them scatter like roaches when a light comes on!
Wall of Water.....This rare and very useful power-up will drown 50% of all approaching animals. But watch out.....when used incorrectly, this will create a tsunami which will destroy your ark.
Noah's Arkanoid is brought to you by the same people who created "The Genesis Project" and "Cain vs. Abel.....This Time It's Personal!", so you know it's got to be amazingly mediocre.
(Warning: This game may not work on PCs or Macs)
rofl!
I especially like Noah's Arkanoid, that is hilarious.
Dan you have been very busy with your myriad lists.
Thanks for the laughs.
ROLLERCOASTER TYPHOON!.....
Rollercoaster building has never before been this fun.....or this wet!
Build a rollercoaster amusement park, complete with all the amenities such as bathrooms, food stands and souvenir stores. Thousands of little guests will pour through the gates the minute you open your park. Then, sit back and watch the REAL fun begin!
A typhoon of unknown intensity will blow through your park faster than the current administration blew through the national surplus!
Watch with delight as the rollercoasters you so painstakingly built are ripped to shreds!
Experience the thrill of seeing concession stands flying through the air!
Enjoy the laughter as park attendees step out of the restroom only to find a bigger drop than they expected!
After the winds die down and the rain stops, use your profits to rebuild your park, only to see another typhoon come roaring through.
The fun never stops with ROLLERCOASTER TYPHOON!
(Not sold in states where non-working software is illegal)
Somewhere a game developers day has suddenly got a whole lot brighter. "These game ideas are pure gold!" as he scampers down to the garage to spend the rest of the week coding the next GGOTD masterpiece!
Sure, you think it is funny, NOW.... but this weekend, then see who is laughing. :(
So, BUBBY, I guess you got the idea that the games might be given away on GGOTD when you saw that last line about "non-working software"?
AGE OF UMPIRES.....
___________________________________________________________
"The Players Union has fallen and the Major Leagues are up for grabs! Experience real-time evolution as you build your Umpires Union into a flourishing empire, from the early days of Abner Doubleday to the recent Steroid Age.
Decide whether to conquer the Majors through steroidial might, outrageous ticket prices or umpires who need bottle-thick eyeglasses. There are many paths to power, but only ONE path to home plate!"
___________________________________________________________
This game has you starting with just a few Umpires back in the early days of baseball. As your Umps work in games, baseball players will occasionally get into skirmishes with them. But your Umps are armed well with exploding baseballs. Wipe out the players, and then increase the size of your Umpire army.
In no time at all, new players will be sent up from the minors to try to wreak havoc on your Umps. Who will survive in this fun-filled, real-to-life PC adventure?
Game comes with FREE Tip Guide which includes hints such as:
"Try handing the pitcher one of your exploding baseballs when a batter is up that you don't like!"
"Upgrading from 'whisk-broom' to 'hand-vac' will clean home plate quicker and keep the game moving faster."
"Having your Umpires run out onto the field with seeing-eye dogs is a great way to get a conflict started quickly!"
AGE OF UMPIRES.....It's a Grand Slam! (Okay, so maybe it's only a sacrifice bunt.)
WARNING: This game has not been endorsed by Major League Baseball, nor anyone ELSE for that matter!
What a mind you have, Pretzel. Too funny! My favorite: 'Cain vs Abel ... This Time It's Personal!
Your 'Slum City' gave me an idea for another game:
Tagger!
Grab your fat markers and spray paint, it's graffiti time! This MMORPG sends you and your homies on a quest to tag every building in your hometown with your personalized moniker. Challenged by rival taggers, Community Associations and Neighborhood Watch groups, you must use stealth and cunning to complete your challenges.
Upgrade your markers by tagging moving objects and unmarked police cars, and earn fluorescent spray paint for successful completion of a 'piece in rival territory. Players earn an invisibility cloak by tagging the heavens without falling onto the busy freeway below.
Defeat the Rifa Bosses and earn the right to add your area code and other enhancements to your moniker.
Normally priced at $3.75, this game is yours free just for visiting our site today. Turn your hometown into a 'Hood today!
Game rated NSA (not safe for adults)
**
To my granddaughters: sorry 'bout messin' with the names of your favorite Care Bears yesterday .. (muahhahaha) no, really ...
Oh please stop, my sides are splitting!
Bobby......Re: "What a mind you have, Pretzel." Me thinks Pretzel's is not the only demented mind lurking in these forums. These are hilarious, I can't decide which I like best. Golly, and people tell me I have a wild imagination....I don't hold a candle to you guys.
CP.....Great thread idea. Can't wait to see what else will be posted here but I'll have to space my visits or my head will pop from laughing so hard.
Well you had me rolling over here Pretzel you have a very excellent imagination you even had my 4 yr old laughing along with me even though he had no idea what he was laughing at:) lol
CRADLE OF SEWAGE.....
Yet another exciting Match-3 game from the same people that brought you "Cradle of Garbage" and "Cradle of Leakage"!
This game includes some of the most realistic graphics ever made for a Match-3 game. However, because of various State Laws, we cannot go into detail about exactly WHAT items are pictured on the game's tiles. But trust us when we say, "If you've smelled it, you'll be matching it!"
No Match-3 game would be complete without power-ups, and we've got some great ones in CRADLE OF SEWAGE:
Aroma Zapper Power-Up - This special tile, when adjacent (or is that adjaSCENT?) to a valid match, will eliminate ALL tiles that would normally emit an odor so offensive that buzzards would fly away in disgust!
Drainpipe Unclogger Power-up - This tile, when properly used, will shrink all oversized tiles, but will also shrink your score as a penalty.
Watch out for the dreaded "Overflow Tile" which will cause various sewage items to flow out of the game and take up residence on your computer desktop.
So don't wait another minute! Jump right in to CRADLE OF SEWAGE!
(WARNING: This game should NOT be played by anyone.)
"will shrink all oversized tiles"
Why your warning "should not be played by anyone"
Is that censorship or overprotection?
Isn't it enough to caution those with silicon-hills on certain body regions?
naturallox
this has got to be the funniest and most creative forum, ever!
keep 'em coming.
:D
That is brilliant, loved Cradle of Sewage.
GRAND THEFT OTTER.....
It's after midnight. The parking lot is barren. The security guards are smoking cigs on the other side of the park. Just cut through one more fence and you're in! Past the concession stands, around the dolphin exhibit, across the catwalk above the killer whales......There it is! You creep up slowly....careful....careful.....NOW!!!!!
Man, those Otters can run! But they're no match for you, when you play this exciting new game from the same people who brought you Grand Theft Otto, Grand Theft Ottoman and Grand Theft Audio. It's GRAND THEFT OTTER!
This surprisingly boring game comes with two modes:
Regular Mode, for those nighttime adventures in Otter theft.
Challenge Mode. This mode should only be played by experienced convicted felons, as your goal of stealing Otters will be attempted in BROAD DAYLIGHT while the park is open!
The strategy in this game is to cause diversions that will take attention away from the Otter exhibit so that you can make off with a sack full of those water-lovin' goofballs.
Strategies include:
Screaming at the top of your lungs, "SHARK!...SHARK!...SHARK!" This always causes widespread panic among visitors who are too dumb to realize that a shark out of water is about as dangerous as, well, a shark out of water.
Fake exploding dolphin. Toss one of these babies into the nearest water tank and watch the fun begin!
Surprise ASPCA Inspection. Turn the inspectors loose to close down all nearby attractions, leaving you alone with your victims.
If you only buy ONE GAME this year, then skip this one! If you plan on buying, oh, 500 games, then maybe you'll end up with GRAND THEFT OTTER in your cart by accident.
(WARNING: This game may cause seizures in anyone with vision.)
Slum Lord: Trapped In Stench II !
From the developers of last week's hit, 'Slum City,' this unique MMORPG challenges your social conscience and civil engineering skills as you race to complete substandard housing developments in the fastest possible time.
First, get your neighborhood sewage treatment plant up and running. You have a choice of factory installations for your neighborhood: Urban Steel and Iron, Yeee Ha Fertilizer, Oh Darn Fireworks and Yippie Skip Dog Food. Now you are ready to carve out homeless dwellings beneath noisy overpasses and decorate street corners with colorful graffiti. Let your imagination run wild!
Use reclaimed, molded lumber and drywall, cleverly hidden beneath a layer of lead paint. Not even Superman could see it, then!
Bribe building inspectors to ignore your faulty electrical wiring, then print your own Certificate of Compliance!
OOPS! Forget to connect the plumbing to city lines? No problem! It's a slum! Besides, you will be renting each house to four families, surely one of them has a pipe wrench.
Forget to install bulbs in the street lights? Hey, you're doing your part for the ecology!
Redirect the nearby river to your new golf course development. What do the Slum City residents need water for, anyway? They can't afford the bills! You never did understand the concept of 'urban park,' anyway. It's an oxymoron, like 'government intelligence' right?
Speaking of park, don't forget to remove all the trees in your development before you name the streets after them, or before you know it the kids will be hanging tire swings and building tree houses. Lose your slum image and lose the game.
(Not recommended for honest, sentient do-gooders)
".....don't forget to remove all the trees in your development before you name the streets after them....."
______________________________________
Oh God.....that's classic!!!
hehheheehehe oh you guys are hilarious ty ty ty
What?!? no links?
Edit: Found one for ya.. somebody find the rest... Here's Petris
Ha! Good find, Trip. Love it. Who knew?!
***
Hiya Pretzel! Now see what you've started?!
Could you tell the 'tree' thing was inspired by real events? By the time I left San Bernardino County, the closest things to trees were 100-foot weeds that folks called palm-trees.
What a mind you have Bobby. I'm amazed at the hilarity and creativity of it all.
Notice how the ONLY game we haven't described is "Brown-Noser 2? I'm almost afraid to even attempt a description of that one. Well, maybe not.....
BROWN-NOSER 2.....
Ever dream of kissing butt on your way up the corporate ladder? Well, you may be flipping burgers for a living in real life, but in this game you can be brown-nosing your way to the top in no time at all! (Please Note: Due to health department regulations, it is recommended that if you ARE flipping burgers for a living, you do NOT brown-nose on the job).
I don't want to spoil all the surprises in this game, as it is made to be a "learn-as-you-go" type. However, I WILL clue you in on a few of the power-ups:
"YES-MAN" power-up.....With this special power, you will be unable to say "No" to anyone who is your superior. This will increase your chances of quick promotion.
"DATE THE BOSS'S DAUGHTER" power-up.....With this power, your boss's daughter will find you irresistible, thus enabling you to date her and show your boss what a great guy you are. Tip: The uglier the boss's daughter, the more promotional ability this power-up has.
"GETTING HOSED" power-up.....This power enables you to wash the boss's car every day for a month. Every time your boss sees his sparkling, showroom-looking vehicle, he'll smile and think about what a kiss-up you are! Please note: If this power is used on a convertible, you will lose your job and the game will end.
"STARBUX" power-up.....This rare power will guarantee that you arrive at work before your boss so that you may greet him when he arrives with a steaming cup of hot coffee.
Sound exciting? We didn't think so either. But get your kids playing this game, and by the time they enter the job market, they will have all the skills needed to become a World Class Brown-Noser!
BROWN-NOSER 2.....From the same people who brought you "UNEMPLOYMENT LINE FOLLIES", "SWEEPING YOUR WAY TO THE TOP" and that classic hit, "Q-bicleBert".
(Warning: The makers of this game cannot be held responsible for excessive use of toilet tissue by players.)
dan and bobby- you should both be professional comedic writers.
great stuff!
thanks for the laughs.
funkylaughingmomlox
Aww shucks (scuffing toes) ... all the credit goes to The Magnificent Pretzel for the inspiration. I'm still chuckling over 'Cain and Abel .. this time it's personal' and trying to work it into a Sunday School lesson. His 'Boss's Daughter Power Up' has given me an idea for a new game .. so, as our own inimitable BuBBster said (somewhat paraphrased):
'"These game ideas are pure gold!" as she scampers down to the garage to spend the rest of the weekend embellishing the ideas of others.."
TRASHMONGER !
Grab your bicycle, flashlight and bungie cords, it's dumpster diving time!
This exciting new game will take your sensibilities to the limits of your endurance, as you develop your own dumpster diving route on the darkened streets of a big city. Thrill over discarded prosthetic limbs at the local Orthopedist's office, try out the old hearing aids in the Beltone dumpster and garner presents for the entire family behind the Pic-N-Save store.
You will be stymied by Boss Padlocks; can you defeat the Bosses by removing the dumpster lid at the hinge? Watch out for the evil Night Watchman, or you may suffer damage points from Pepper Spray or Nightstick. If that happens, you will lose time and possibly have to sit out the round.
Booby traps abound, set up by Boss Owners. Thumb tacks are difficult to see at night and will ruin bicycle tires. Are you good enough to do roadside repairs? Gain a power up if you use street light illumination instead of your valuable flashlight energy .. unless it brings you to the attention of one of the level Bosses!
Boss Pothole, Boss Cop and Boss Wigger present unique challenges; be particularly wary of the dreaded Wigger as they will slow you with incessant jabber. The only way to defeat the dreaded Wigger Boss is a handful of flashlight batteries. Boss Cop will take valuable time by parking you on the curb, where he will examine all of your treasure and invite ridicule from passing Trashmonger rivals. Worse, that wallet you found an hour ago could very well become a 'Go To Jail Free' card.
Boss Pothole presents a logistical nightmare, rearranging your body parts and dumping your loot. Recover quickly or Rival Trashmongers will seize your treasure.
Keep up your energy by visiting the local supermarket and dumpster diving for old fruit and vegetables; get a power up at Dunkin' Donut dumpster! Avoid McDonald's dumpsters; the grease will cause your butt to expand, affecting your balance, stability and social life.
Remember: You have to make it back home before daylight!
(Not recommended for individuals with enhanced sensory functions, or those prone to saddle sores. Must be over 30 to play. Watch for Trashmonger Tewwww coming to stores soon.)
Bobby......Have you been watching me work at night?
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