Maizey.....That would never happen to a guy named 'Dan'. If I were in the same situation, I would ask her out and tell her I was broke. If she didn't want to see me again, I would marry her sister.
-Dan
Giveaway of the Day Forums » Talks
for the ladies
(301 posts)
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Posted 4 months ago #
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Thats the best looking pussy I have ever seen on a man.....lol
Posted 4 months ago # -
Dan, my brother-in-law's name is Dan. He met my sister and me at the same time. He once told me that I was his first choice, but after he discovered I was already taken he went for my sister. I don't think that made her feel too good. I believe she got over it, though. :)
Posted 4 months ago # -
I agree with Lee - 'orrible - lets see some women in no or less clothing !
Posted 4 months ago # -
phil- you are in the wrong thread. this is for the ladies. you want to try for the men, but don't expect too many naked ladies.
:DPosted 4 months ago # -
A Lady's Gym Experience
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter ( the darling child)
purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school
cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go
ahead and give it a try.I called the club and made my reservations with a personal
trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics
instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!
The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.------------------------
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but
found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find
Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair,
dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour
and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he
conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was
already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!------------------
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the
door.Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into
the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little! wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it
all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.------------------
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush
on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I
have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't
try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams
bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early
in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY
annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on
the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate
an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help
me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.-----------------
THURSDAY:
Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed
as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't
help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not
looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny idiot to
find me.Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which
I sank.-----------------
FRIDAY:
I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any
other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic,
anorexic little punk. If there was a part of my body I could move
without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any
triceps!
And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the barbells
or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off
and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach
or the choir director?---------------
SATURDAY:
Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating,
shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him
made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked
the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven
straight hours of the Weather Channel..---------------
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I
can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next
year my daughter (the little brat) will choose a gift for me that is
fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had
wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with
diamonds.Posted 4 months ago # -
Buckleysmom......very good, well worth reading, and funny!
Paulga
Posted 4 months ago # -
BK, ouch! LOL
Posted 4 months ago # -
Good one BK.. that's why I avoid gyms! LOL
Posted 4 months ago # -
i agree.
thanks, bkm.
:DPosted 4 months ago # -
Keeping Fit
Grandpa Melvin Cranston was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"I will tell you the secret of my success," he happily cackled. "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
And, Grandpa Melvin continued, "Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."
----------------------------------------
AlimonyMr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said. "And, I have decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then, I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
Posted 4 months ago # -
:D
Posted 4 months ago # -
sometimes even we Ladies of the night are in the mood to relax and listen to the music,
sisters get your coffee, sit back and let the music flow :
Aziza Mustafa Zadeh - Ladies Of AzerbaijanPosted 4 months ago # -
temporarylox - I knew it! ;)
Posted 4 months ago # -
:)
Posted 4 months ago # -
temporarylox.........yep i can detect you, a clonealox
Paulga ( smile )
Posted 4 months ago # -
A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, “Don’t take a step further.” She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been. She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. “Don’t take a step further.” She stops and a car skids past. Then suddenly she hears the voice saying “I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?” Yes! Shouts the woman, “Just where were you on my wedding day!”
Posted 4 months ago # -
LOL
Posted 4 months ago # -
rofl!
Posted 4 months ago # -
He was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a rolled up magazine.
“Ouch!! What was that for?” he asked.
“That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it,” she replied.
“Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,” he explained.
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry,” she said. “I should have known there was a good explanation.”
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with an iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.
When he came too, he asked, “Now what was that for?”
She replied, “Your horse called”.
Posted 4 months ago # -
I like it
Posted 4 months ago # -
oops...I've been there....I mean, I shouldn't be here...I mean.....hehe
Posted 4 months ago # -
GSM - What? ;)
Posted 4 months ago # -
The skillet is better suited for eggs & bacon. I learned my lesson good Maizey :)
Posted 4 months ago # -
gsm- are you saying that you had a "maryann" or that you've been hit with a skillet or both?
Posted 4 months ago # -
What Women Should Tell Men...But Don't.
1. The reason why our bras don’t always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.
2. The next time you and your buddies make jokes about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.
3. If we’re watching football with you - it’s not bonding - it’s their butts.
4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.
5. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
6. Please don’t drive when you’re not driving.
7. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn’t ask in bed.
8. The next time you make jokes about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.
9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of “who’s easy”?
10. Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don’t care.
11. When you’re not around, I belch loudly, too.
12. We don’t mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance - in fact, please do!
13. When you’re out with us, please wear “our” favorite outfit rather than “yours” - the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way.
14. If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive vs. a negative grunt.
15. Don’t insist that we “get off the stupid phone” and then not talk to us.
16. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.
17. Cleaning the house is not necessarily “women’s work”; besides, most of the “dirt” and clutter is yours anyway.
18. Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men, why is it then you never want to cook?
19. We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.
20. Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling… however, very few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss.
Posted 3 months ago # -
those are funny and quite relatable.
Posted 3 months ago # -
mornin' funkymom, what time is it where you are? give me a few days and I'll come up with a reply to maizey's 20.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Why do you need a couple of days, mike? LOL
Posted 3 months ago # -
hi maizey, do you women never sleep? I'm not at my best the morning after the night before most of my replies to your post would be modded before they hit the ether so I need a little time to compose an acceptable response
Posted 3 months ago #
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