There are three kinds of men:
1.) The ones that learn by reading
2.) The few who learn by observation
3.) The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Giveaway of the Day Forums » Talks
for the ladies
(301 posts)
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Posted 5 months ago #
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:D
Posted 5 months ago # -
To my darling husband,
Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.
I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.
I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife.
P.S. Your girlfriend called.
Posted 5 months ago # -
Very cute vid! But who's Krista? :-)
Posted 5 months ago # -
Krista Allen... undoubtedly the sort of fantasy girl for whom the Bellamy Brothers' lyrics, "If I said you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me" were penned. "A face that launched a 1000 ships" also comes to mind.
Posted 5 months ago # -
Oh, Rune, we are no men eaters! What should we do without your species?
Come on sisters, lets go out and hug a tree, it's springtimePosted 5 months ago # -
graylox, might be springtime, but is 32 degrees here. The last few years, just as the trees were flowering we'd have a freeze and bye bye flowering. Haven't had cherries on our trees in 3 years now!
Posted 5 months ago # -
Graylox, if I thought I wuz stepping into a maneating pride of lionesses, I'd have brought my elephant gun! Honestly, that now infamous "male-bashing vid" crack of mine from way back when was, I suspect, misinterpreted as defensiveness or worse, anger. In all honesty, I derive much wry amusement - not to mention find it verrrry enlightening - hearing what women think is hilarious, stereotypical or irritating about the opposite sex. No hard feelings at all. How could I without being hypocritical? After all, in the vast majority of cases, "we" have EARNED a reputation for doing some pretty stupid things.
BTW- I think you meant gender, not species. Then again...Posted 5 months ago # -
gender, not species Remember, I'm an Alien...
Rune, to come to think of it, it are those pretty stupid things which make the world go round.
Or did you mean those pretty stupid things ?Posted 5 months ago # -
Hmmmm, well, let's see if I can post this without digging my grave any deeper -
Dumb blondes are considered pretty (&) stupid things that help make the world go round. OTOH, even bald guys can to do pretty (spectacularly) stupid things... regardless whether a dumb blonde is around or not.
Posted 5 months ago # -
Come on Rune, don't bash your own gender,
always look at the bright side of life...Posted 5 months ago # -
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, wakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, Drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners, and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's Being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have Learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."
Posted 5 months ago # -
Oh.......... love the vid so funny and ...and .. kinky. LoL . Poor little kitten.
Posted 5 months ago # -
Perhaps risque, perhaps not .. but is delightfully funny
Posted 5 months ago # -
...and one for the cat lovers amongst us: http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=0hnpobfu4s
Posted 5 months ago # -
Love that cat one!!! Sweet little 'innocent' things! Our stray 'feral' is sure training US!
Posted 5 months ago # -
that cat is one of my favorites!
Posted 5 months ago # -
Whoehahahaahahha, i just see the video of the lovely cat.
I just laugh my longs out. I hope that my cat never do this.
Even my kids were laughing and found it very funny.
Thanks Bobby.Greetings from the Netherlands.
Crazyritten.
Posted 5 months ago # -
This video just goes to show you how tolerant us ladies can be. Understanding Men
Posted 4 months ago # -
That's for sure! None of those guys have been 'trained' yet!
Posted 4 months ago # -
that's great!
Posted 4 months ago # -
My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).
One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar.
I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for 'special occasions' (her second mistake).
Now fast forward a few months.... It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone.
Mine was to set the table.
When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter.
Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a 'special occasion' napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!
My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.
'But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!'
Isn't it easier to just tell the truth???
Posted 4 months ago # -
that's great. luckily my 3year old has accepted the fact that i'll explain it all when she is a little older.
Posted 4 months ago # -
and tomorrow she will decide, that she now is "a little older" and you have to find a new excuse.
As I have a bad memory, I always told the truth; that's straightforward and simple.Posted 4 months ago # -
i do always tell her the truth, i just don't think she'll understand (although she is extremely smart) and i think she gets that. i don't really use euphemisms either, she knows what's what.
;D
Posted 4 months ago # -
Children are much smarter as we believe, they are always good for a surprise and up for a laugh or vomiting into mom's bed ;-)
BTW I hope she is better now ? My grandson has this problem today, he didn't even speak with me on the phone :(Posted 4 months ago # -
she's over the vomiting, but now she has a cold and has passed it (the cold)on to me.
hope your grandson recovers quickly.Posted 4 months ago # -
A Poem for Women
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him
Like his mother used to do.Posted 4 months ago # -
Some women make you wanna kill yourself:
__________________________________________BULLETS, BLADES, AND PILLS
Tormented by the thought that you
And I will love no more,
I tell myself I can't go on,
And head down to the store.I buy a hundred sleeping pills,
And bullets for my gun.
Some razor blades to cut my wrists;
The job should well be done!The total comes to $9.01;
I hand the clerk a ten.
She tells me she is sorry, but
She's out of change again.And so, instead of waiting, I
Tell her, "I have to flee!
Just give me a quick-pick ticket
In tonight's lottery."And as I'm heading out the door
With all my money spent,
The lady yells,"Hey you, come back!
You still owe me one cent!Upon arriving at my house,
I turn the T.V. on,
Then figure, "One more hour on
This earth, and I'll be gone."I get a glass of water for
The sleeping pills I bought.
Then pop a couple asprins so
My veins, when cut, won't clot.And as I'm loading up my gun
And feeling deep dispair,
My ticket wins the lottery;
I'm now a millionaire!That's why I've called on you today;
To tell you of my luck.
And give you something, even though
You told me that I suck!So while I'm out enjoying all
My money and it's thrills,
I thought maybe you could use
These bullets, blades, and pills.©1989, 2008 CreamyPretzel
Posted 4 months ago #
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