WOW!! My cheeks Hurt so bad from grining and Laughing at the back and forth of every1 and rune ...thanks for the laugh

i just came across this, i'm posting it here because, even though it has nothing to do with bbq's, it's a fine companion (and fair play) for the men's training course.

Women's Training Courses:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After
The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet
Too
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem...Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

Rune, Rune, Rune, once again in a pickle on a hamburger bun. I always read your comments with a BIG grain of salt. You just love to stir that BBQ bean pot.

Dear Violet, nice to know what kind of writer you like. Maybe he's out there working on spreadsheets in the accounting dept? I've learned that regardless how or what I write, those suffering the dreaded kneejerk virus will likely take umbrage, while the uninfected enjoy a giggle or groan, often intentionally at my expense. Have you noticed that GAOTD threads seem to suffer when a temporary improv comedy stage is mistaken for a boxing ring? It's worse than a thread hijacked by an unemployed joke writer for a 3rd party candidate. Pray tell, what was off-putting about references to "larger mammal" and "volcanoes" unless you're either smaller than a chipmunk, or not a mammal, or perhaps a virgin in a famine-ravaged Polynesian village just selected for the high dive event?

FWIW, my great grand pappy road the rails for a few years. I never larnt what symbols he used beyond his own "Nostradamus was here" sign. More recently, I've come across many of the primitive chalk/coal signs both hobos and gypsies used to pass on tips and warnings. Here's a glyphs & caricatures chart I had in my knowledgebase & glossaries favs folder.

BTW, I said "big X" (which was drawn inside a circle), one of several signs used to identify "free eats." Dudette, your choice was amusingly apropos, though I suspect far too stylized for the average vagrant. OTOH, if photoshopped using pinch and glow, maybe it could pass for gay gang graffiti?

Being somewhat (ahem) wordy, no doubt my own hobo signs would've required the entire side of a barn. Sorry, don't know the hobo sign for "grandma needs plenty of good luvin" or if there existed a "hobos welcome at backyard bbq" sign. They tended to party by themselves, sans hibachi.

Messenger, glad you found levity where others may look too hard but not too deep. You must be immune to the gastro-intestinal distress running rampant here, probably from potato salad left too long in the sun.

I'd hoped to find a yellow "chipmunk on board" sign to alert GAOTD regulars to a growing epidemic. Those little buggers are behind the wheel more often than you might think!:
Bus, Trolley, Car, Dozer, Armored Jitney, Motorcycle, and even in Groceries!!

Unfortunately, all I found was a stuffed chipmunk on game board photo. The world must know of this danger!

Rune...

i very much appreciate you dumbing down your verbose prose with words i am better able to understand---"Mebbe", "wuz"...and i particularly enjoyed "hon"...you sweet-talker...

yes, your chipmunk-tongue-in-cheek-tendencies are recognized...i actually enjoy a writer that doesn't think he is dave barry, david letterman, & chris berman all rolled into one fab package...

my tendencies lean towards sarcasm...nonsensical prose...and one or two boxing skills---jabbing & sparring, in particular.........throw in extreme mood swings somewhere there...cook together on either hibachi or BBQ, and voila!...there i am (you can see me in the cloud of smoke that surrounds me)...

having said that...

being called a "larger mammal" that was better suited for a volcano than a hibachi...that just didn't go over as well...

unless, of course, you were referring to a more efficient grilling method...this is a BBQ thread, you know...

BTW...loved the arachnomunk...and wasn't it B.B.Qing that was originally credited with that song?.........but, dude...ya gotta get your hobo facts right http://www.signals.com/signals/Item_Kind-Hearted-Woman-Sign_HE4652_ps_srm.html

...unless that "X" on grandma moses' door was exclusive to "furry jello-shots"...

rotflmao with tears in my eyes,

rune if the tree that Violet is barking up at has no chipmunk in it, then it must have an owl or two because your a real HOOT!!
lol I love the photos :)

Violet, hon, you're barking up a tree what does not have a chipmunk in it. Mebbe if you reread the spoof and try to imagine what happens if one wuz to press tongue to cheek? As for me still having chipmunk "tendencies", I thought by now it was obvious that what I post here is pretty much always done tongue-in-cheek.

The way I heard it, Mel only stole the line; but hobos were particularly fond of Grandma Moses' likkered up rodents. A big X on her alley gate ensured a constant flow of tramps hoping for a 90-proof handout. You'd think those chipmunks would explode on the spit, but much like cherries flambé, most of the alcohol burned off slowly. Still, enough remained that the hobos nickname for them was "furry jello-shots."

BTW- "Suicide by hibachi" isn't recommended for larger mammals, possibly because the things are now made of cheap stamped metal instead of the solid cast models of yore. Volcanoes might be a viable alternative.

Nice of you to pick up on my subtle attempt to keep this thread on track. In that vein, here's some BBQ humour -

Q: What lament does a guy sing when his BBQ's been stolen?
A: The Grill Is Gone, Babe, The Grill is Gone!

Q: What's a cat to do when the mice are away and it's time for the BBQ?
A: BYO Chipmunk

BBQ's contribute to global warming. That, in turn, will affect evolution, creating bizarre creatures best adapted to the new environment. Behold, the Arachnomunk!

Redneck BBQ gift to give the missus on Mother's Day and on Mom's Birthday.

Every redneck wants the Tim the Toolman 'MORE POWER!' BBQ griller.

"Suicide by BBQ - it's not just for hibachis anymore!" This is rapidly becoming an epidemic in the animal kingdom, though some are more successful than others...
Successful

Unsuccessful

hmm...

Apgar score>>>An assessment of the physical condition of a newborn infant; involves heart rate and muscle tone and respiratory effort and color and reflex responsiveness

so you looked like a chipmunk to the midwife, but actually had no DNA based reason to?...do you still have chipmunk tendencies, or did you grow out of it?...not my business, i know...but it is a curious condition to have...

as far as i know, my grandfather was not a hobo...just a poor family in the UP of michigan (yoopers)...i'm told he was quite the hunter, & shared deer, etc, with the neighbors...and that the local authorities knew of the poaching, but allowed it---just told him to stop hanging everything where it could be seen.........apologies to animal-rights forum folk...they were hungry...

and if mel torme was singing about roasting chipmunks, he must've gotten into some of that moonshine leftover from grandma moses...

i will add "suicide by hibachi" to my list of possibilities for my chronic depression situation...mom will be glad to hear you've helped me in that area, thanks...

at least "hibachi" brings the thread back to BBQ...

Sorry, Violet, no chipmunk genes here. The midwife at the asylum jumped to a conclusion that was quickly rectified. BTW- an apgar test isn't a DNA test.

So, was your grandpappy a hobo like the founder of MacDonald's? Reportedly, the idea for burgers and fries came to him one night in a rail yard in 1935 while feasting on chipmunk with a side order of roasted tater. (BTW- he never liked mulligan stew, was really happy when chipmunk was on the camp menu, hence "Happy Meals")

Don't believe me? Where do you think the lyrics - "chipmunks roasting by an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose" - in The Christmas Song came from? That's right... Mel Torme overheard hobos singing it on a bitter cold night and stole the line.

Did you know that Grandma Moses served moonshine disguised as tea to pregnant Depression-era rodents? Naturalists link fetal alcohol syndrome and latent hobo paranoia with an increase in chronically depressed chipmunks committing suicide by hibachi.

Disclaimer- No chipmunks were harmed during the making of this spoof.

Rune...
you are part chipmunk?...
if only i'd received my "Flex Gif Animator" code...we could've made a heckuva gif of you...
to help get WR's thread back on track...
i was told my grandfather used to BBQ chipmunks back in the depression era...

yikes .. what on earth? No more tongue in cheek stuff for this old gal; 'poetic license' was misinterpreted. I teased on herd-like/brassiere-burning/Billary/Abzug comments made by you. I should have simply said the liberation movement publicity was better than the movie...so to speak. As for the heart-rending stats you posted, you're preaching to the choir, kind sir.

If the thread was derailed, perhaps a soap box was on the tracks?

Salute to you Rune .. bye y'all.

Granny, if you're trying to say you are one of the millions of men and women who, since time immemorial, were hoodwinked by used car salesmen's spit and polished BS tactics; or that, after some harrowing experiences and re-ups, you lived to tell about it, might I suggest using the "sit on my knee" approach on someone a tad younger? Perhaps you've a (great)granddaughter who might fall prey to sugar plum promises, say, in a moment of sign-up bonus weakness? Remind her that our corrupt Congress leaves honorable veterans swinging in the breeze, giving only lip service to educational, housing and medical care commitments; all the while fêting the scrambled eggs set with golf courses, limos and double-dipping entry into high-paying private sector jobs.

Not bound by any Truth in Advertising law, Uncle Sammy recruiter's are instead trained in the art of sweet talking the naive, practiced at playing down the fine print gobbledygook on the contract. (e.g., subpara R - "guaranteed" assignments can be and routinely are abrogated for "manpower allocation" whimsy) How 'bout that new pseudodraft lurking behind the euphemistical Stop Loss?

I imagine the fairy tale spinners also conveniently forget to mention recent stats for rape and sex assault against women serving in the military, conservatively est. at between 33 and 50%. (possibly higher, since such incidents are oft underreported) Seems even young men are becoming prey in today's almost prison-like environment that's evolved as the military "loosens" entrance reqs. Desperate attempts to disguise the damage done both to military readiness itself and hundreds of local communities by the last two nincompoop commanders-in-chief, one from each side of the corrupt political aisle, are not playing well in the hinterlands.

Helen Gurley Brown & Cosmo... clearly, Wabbit's fun thread has derailed on a curve or plowed through the Bridge Out sign.

<grin> Funkygal, you bet. Feel free to educate as you see fit :)

***

Oh R.u.u.u.n.e .. c'mere a minute. Sit on Granny's knee while I tell you a little story about a young lady that read Cosmo almost religiously. Determined to find that independent, free spirited, beach-oriented lifestyle popularized by Helen Gurley Brown and her (unknown at the time) evil henchmen, the young lady pulled up stakes and started out on an adventure that crisscrossed America. Soon, she found herself at a Navy recruiter's office and behold! a sign! 'Not Just A Job...An Adventure!'

She pushed open the door and was greeted by a gorgeous hunk in a spiffy white Navy uniform (did I mention gorgeous?), who (obviously trained in the brainwashing techniques presented within the pages of Cosmo), convinced the young lady that life in the Navy would be the greatest adventure of all. Thrilled at the prospect of visiting faraway lands, dazzled by the visuals of midnight at sea with the sound of gently lapping surf against the boat to lull her to sleep, she signs on the dotted line.

Some weeks later, having taken that recruiter's name in vain more than once during her 'initiation' into the Navy, she arrives at the world's largest *inland* Navy base. Hm. Who knew? But with visions of exotic lands and beautiful ocean sunsets dancing in her mind, she finishes a year's training and looks forward to her first orders.

San Diego?!? But .. that's HOME ...

Before long, that once-naive young lady found herself dangling by a thread (or so it seemed) from the bottom of SH-3 and CH-46 helicopters as they hovered over the Pacific Ocean. Visions of man-eating sharks and deadly jellyfish replaced the soothing images oh-so-craftily presented by that beady-eyed jerk so long ago. In order to keep focused on the job at hand, she cussed Helen Gurly Brown and her bra-burning evil twin Betty Friedan, along with the lesser demons Sanger, Stanton, Abzug and Hanisch.

Many years (and several enlistments later) when someone mentions women's lib, she just shakes her head and says ' Honey, I've always been more liberated than I needed to be.'

Now ... Granny must get back to her rocking.

I'm not absopositively sure, but many of the posts following my tongue-in-cheekiness (much of which clearly spoofed man's well-known failings, btw) suggest a kneejerk, dare I say almost herd-like feminist inclination to pounce on imagined slights. I'm not the chauvinist some here seem all too eager to pillory, else I wouldn't have found Bobby's Training Courses list so amusing. Gotta get a grip, ladies. The Bella Abzug Memorial Message Board is 3 burnt bras down the Internet on the left next to the morgue-like Billary in 2008 HQ.

PS - Violet, I was just born old, with tongue planted so firmly in cheek, the apgar test mistakenly rated me part chipmunk. Never have I fried a turkey, set fire to a deck, nor made a lass "step 'n fetchit"... and I can't stand beer.

bobby- that is awesome. i "borrowed" it.

can you do me a favor? could you send a copy to my ex-husband? i think he could really use it now.
:D

forgive my being late to this BBQ party...
living in south florida always induces confusion of some sort...
Q: if rune has been anachronistic since the 1950's, wouldn't that have placed him in about the 1800's then & mid-1900's now?...
Q2: his interests are trim petite women, according to his profile...are those just interests, or is he planning to actually meet one while surrounded by his manly-fried turkeys & BBQ's while belching & passing gas?...
the polymath seems to still have much to learn...

Oh, R.U.U.U.U.N.E .. you poor, poor man! How you must suffer under the weight of those delusions ....

perhaps a few refresher courses will ease that terrible burden:

Training Courses Now Available for Men

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop

2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Iron

3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding

4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead

5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum?: You CAN Tell the Difference!

6. Accepting Loss: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away

7. Accepting Loss II: If the Bacon Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator won't Bring It Back

8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!

9. Recycling Skills: Cardboard Boxes, Empty Bottles and Things That Rust

10. Recycling Skills II: Beer Cans Are Not Acceptable Shelving Units

11. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Bowling Shirts to Charity

12. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your 1970's Leisure Suits

13. Appliances: Not Just Gifts For Her

14. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut

15. Expand Your Entertainment Options: How To Enjoy An Evening Without ESPN

16. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote

17. Survival Skills: Target Practice in the Lavatory

18. Survival Skills II: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to run Out of Toilet Paper!

19. Directions and How To Ask For Them

20. Listening: It's Not Just A Half-Time Activity

21. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It

Bobby....Our town used to be small, when I was a kid, and most everyone was related, but now there's so many people everywhere, it's unbelievable, and downright disgusting at times. Don't get me wrong....I like people, but I like them a lot better when they lived somewhere else. There's a developement about 15 minutes from here that they call Little New York b/c of all the city people that moved there. Police are constantly going up there. You can get houses there dirt cheap, but nobody wants to live there....except more city people. Your ways to meet the neighbors are funny.....if I did that stuff they'd have me locked up for sure.

Buckleysmom:

One neat thing about living in a small town (read: no stores, no stoplight, no sidewalks, no police), we don't have a choice whether or not we know our neighbors! Everyone seems to know everything about everyone else. Darned if I can figure out HOW this happens ..

btw: what are you waiting for, girl? Get creative .. you can find lots of ways to meet the neighbors! Here are a few to get you started:

Good Method: Sit outside with a telescope and make 'em curious enough to ask what the ? are you looking at all the time?

Faster Method: leave the lens cap on.

Good Method: Park in front of their driveway, a guaranteed conversation starter.

Faster Method: do it just as they try to leave for work.

Good Method: Toilet paper your own house

Faster Method: go door to door with a plastic cup, telling neighbors you are taking a collection to pay some kids to TP your house.

Or, I guess you could throw a barbeque (see instructions, above; fireflies optional)

Bobby....You're pretty funny yourself girl! Now I'm the one rotfl. That all sounds so familiar except the crossing the road part. I hate to say it but I barely know the people across the road :( His name is Pat and I "think" her's is Maryanne. That's sad!

mazz.....Yep, we do that too...hee hee.

Simple .. I play far.r.r.r.r.r right field.

I'm so far out that I have to use field glasses to see home plate. I'm so far out that I could take a nap if the chiggers would cooperate. I'm so far out that I have to heckle the batter via carrier pigeon.

Only two of my little hooligans are big enough to hit that far, and one of them is always pitching :) Pitching used to be my job, but getting nailed with a 9-year-old's 80 mph line drive put an end to that exercise in masochism. I'm simply not inclined to move that fast after a barbeque!

Come to think of it, I'm rarely inclined to move that fast before the barbeque.

Bobby, ah... That's the life! Where do you find the energy to play ball after ingesting all that food? LOL

Love this: "Ponder mysteries of life: what if fireflies had different colors?"

You folks are too funny...I've been laughing so hard I can't see!

Barbeque in my neck of the woods:

Amble across the highway to daughter's house (watch out for tractors and combines).
Eat.
Visit with neighborhood.
Eat some more.
Visit some more.
Thank son-in-law for another delicious feast (he's King of Grill)
Eat dessert.
Thank daughter for making an extra batch of dessert for me.
Play baseball with grandkids.
Bind wounds, skinned knees (mine, not theirs).
Have grandkids load paper plates with ribs, dessert; wrap securely.
Peek, smile, rewrap.
Sneak extra dessert onto plate when no one is looking.
Try to waddle home without getting flattened by combine.
Promise self to exercise tomorrow.
Promise self to never eat again.
Get out the extra dessert, go outside, savor dessert, watch fireflies.
Ponder mysteries of life: what if fireflies had different colors?
Get chased back into the house by marauding mosquitoes.
Sleep really, really well.

In the end, best you can do is ordering pizza.

rune- you are so lucky that i am too tired to even deal with this!

Hoss.....Glad to hear you "help her" out that way. You must be in the early training stage :)))

Hey! I do my part.. I have beer in a cooler near my chair so that she doesn't have to make a special trip. She "claims" to be to busy for such things.

Maizey.....sadly, no, men are slow learners, that's why their training period never ends :) We're hitting 29 this year and sometimes I think he's still in pre-school.

BK - That's wonderful! But seeing this is only my second year, is there any way to speed up this process?

copmom, I don't want all those people in my house. Besides that, the kitchen's not roomy and the table only seats four. I'd rather keep them all outside.